1st time talking about it.

so i turned 18!

youd think i would of like hit a time paradox smashed my face open and look a little bit older.
well i dont, i still look 12, which is good i guess. nothings changed, and everything sucks.

and do you wanna know why! because everything that was good s now legal and i don get anything out of it anymore.

i mean, i tried jacking of too 2 lesbians today, didnt do.
then i though i might try something illegal, so i snorted some cocaine, and then i had sex with a 10 year old, and nothing really seemed to phase me.

IVE SEEN IT ALL IVE LEARNT EVERYTHING.

i think, no i havent.

so what did i do to celebrate this glorious occasion, i played wow. and went out for dinner.
my life is so fascinating! it really is! like that day i farmed 900g. and got me some primal fires.

i cant really find that rush you know, its like, i dno. its like, i'll get up really fast from my chair unexpectedly or sit on my toilet and try and time when it comes out.

you hit that age and everything seems so unreal and so, shit? you know, lucy from next door isnt hot anymore and had kids from some bald nazi guy named hannah, the beatles suck and franky goes to hollywood isnt at number 1 anymore.


its really amazing like, when you see how little you have. you dont want to look, i dont want to look, the only thing i can think of is too probably eat less cheesy snacks.

and yeah. paly more guitar and eventually DO something.

hmm, i wish i had something to do.
a job.
something that made me feel important atleast.

if you havent noticed i just took a change of feeling when i first wrote this blog.
i took the time out to go through some old photos on my pc, and i miss....ergh gonna sound gay writing this, but i miss, her.

the one person i really connected with on all levels, who i could talk to endlessly the one person i actually really, im not using the word you think im gonna use.....liked.

i havent been on this topic for a while but its the only part of living i never really like talking about because its dumb as and most of it will probably be explained to me in 2 seconds rather than bullshitting about it for 2 paragraphs.

everyone i know, is looking for someone.
i recently spoke to my ex and the first thing she said when i asked what was up was.
'boys'

not caring about the situation i pretty much said 'why', i never got an answer back.
carrying on i went to a new conversation with someone, which ended up about the same attraction. is it really that important to people?

Whatever people want to do physically doesnt interst me. but it seems like the best things to do?

im more interested in just talking or whatever, im a fag :/

im nto saying its good, but 90% of the time ive been in a relationship ive literally just did it because they were good looking.

sometimes i feel that im really stupid, or just really smart, but im starting to think alot of people just complete fucktards with no regard for anyone, most guys i meet are complete wankers.
who are just as mentally retarded as they are socially.

its a touchy subject for me, and i gather last couple sentences made no sense at all.

but what im trying to say is, i have yet to find someone that i am head over heels for.
i dont want to sound like im pro, but i havent met anyone except one person that likes everything i do or can even connect with me or get me.

maybe most guys like me have a different side to them, maybe trying to look like a complete toss and trying to impress girls works haha.

or maybe im a fool to think im the only person who has realised this.

but i think, im just scared, every girl, i have ever liked.... and by liked i mean wanting to spend every second with them, leaves me, or loses interest and goes for the other guy.
everytime. you wouldnt think that would batter my confidence. but it has. alot.

there. i said it, its happened everytime, and ive tried ever avoiding saying that shit to anyone.

is it their fault. no. its probably mine, but i really dont think its much trying for anymore.

g'night, hopefully i can write something more relevant tomorrow and makes more sense.
it was worth a shot.