Dear...

Since nobody reads this I thought it would be okay to post something to somebody that they will never probably read.

I never get to explain to the world how I adore someone - this blog is always so always about me. That’s how it was. It was always about me, that’s where I went wrong.

Dear anonymous lady

I have adored you since I met you - even if it was at a really shit concert and I was a giant douche; you made me laugh, you made me feel comfortable. You didn’t poke fun that I wore makeup when I first went with you to the mall and my pants had ripped - although now you do and so do i. You didn’t really care for my shyness and I was always wondering what if I actually did something. The day you talked to me all night It instantly rekindled my like for you that I would lose sleep just waiting to talk to you all night and even fail some exams because I was meant to be studying - it didn’t matter. Youre the only person that gets comedically disgusted by my humor and youre the only person who makes me laugh and can make laugh like you have. You didn’t know that I still secretly liked you when you were explaining your male problems to me - and that I still helped because I just wanted to see you happy. The night you kissed me so I would shut up was one of the best times of my life - even though it sounds rediculous I felt like I was with a friend and not just some girl - I was with someone who I regard as my best friend and loved every second of it. The awkward moments of our first kisses were quite weird - I was nervous and you always seemed to be uncomfortable, that holiday we spent together was painful for both us - not because of how ergonomically awkward those bunk beds were but because the scenario changed - we werent friends anymore kinda - I guess the fridget in me came out. It wasn’t until I realised you were my friend - and I got rid of the girl in friend that I started liking you more and more - then we held hands the whole way home - world record imo. Then leaving you to go interstate felt like forever and even rides and other things I couldn’t enjoy because you werent' there to share it with me. Going out I felt like the luckiest guy in the world because I had the cutest girl in the whole entire room and they legitimately liked me back, it wasn’t for show it wasn’t for anything, I was just happy you had the same feelings and I cant even explain that. The times I would just stare at you sleeping and realise how lucky I was. And the times I felt actual passion between us the pillow talk I felt like I could talk to you about anything, even dribble on and not be told to shut up. Staring you down in the face and looking into your pretty eyes and having my heart feel like it was going to stroke. Life started going downhill from there for me - I have no idea what happened - the honey moon "period" was over apparently and things got worse. I was tired everyday, I was only doing things to keep other people happy - not the one thing that made me happy - which was you. I was so naieve that I thought you wouldn’t leave me and I was so naieve to think that you'd just sit there and wait for me to come home everyday - im sorry. I never meant for you to feel that way and its not until I look on it with regret now on how much of an idiot I was through that. You got sad, I couldn't tell what was going on and my negativity burderened me when I should of only helped you - I was too scared of the worldly view that in my heart I would of left that job in a heartbeat to be with you. It was a job, you know, everyone has one, but…..i don’t care for being normal and living in a relationship where it’s the same in and out - I want it to be - special. This repeated over several months, where I know your feelings towards me felt as if you were never worthy, or that I never loved you….I love you ever and ever without reserve. The more I have you the more I have loved. In every way, - even my jealousies have been agonies. The day we went to the airport we had breakfast, in my mind I wasn’t contemplating how hard this would be. 5 weeks in europe for you seemed like an eternity for me - and I was counting down everyday. Weeks in japan for you seemed like an eternity for me to a point where I had to be there with you - I wish I could of shared more with you that trip - I wish we could do that again. The past 5months had been the hardest of my life - the being alone - the being scared and my own mistakes had came back to haunt me after that morning I had woken up to hear the news that you were no longer wanting to be with me. I went over in my head for days my short comings and what I could of done. And there is a lot. It wasn’t until you were gone that I noticed - how stupid and an idiot I was towards anything - and left you in what I didn’t feel was neglect but was. I cannot apologise enough and deserved everything that happened to me. I vowed I would never make you unhappy or sad or ever feel unloved - but I did. It was my fault. Recently confused feelings have been passed around between us. I understand how hard it is for you. Its hard for me too. Being locked in a world where everything is the same except the one thing I relied on most. Relying on a keyboard to type the feelings I can only show through touch, movement and silence - now I am back going to your world - expecting to be let down by own shortfallings. If you would allow me too - start this over again, we can honeymoon "period" again I wish to show you everything I wanted to during my harsh time - I wish to show you everything a relationship and my heart can offer. I want nothing more than to see you happy in life - see you succeed - see you prosper and live a life full of joy. You are singuarly the best person I have ever sufficed to be in the presence of and I wish you nothing but a life you deserve.

I understand all you are going through - I do not care -life is life we all make mistakes and we all get confused - we all question people and we all question people we love / loved.

just stop saying jippy - man that pissed me off.

Yours Sincerely.
Jeremy xo.